You've noticed that a Pathfinder in your Unit is arriving late, answering rudely or tying the knot wrong week after week. Something needs to be said. But how do you say it? If you speak in front of everyone, you humiliate them. If you swallow it, the problem grows. If you explode, you hurt them. Feedback is one of the most powerful tools a Club leader has, and also one of the easiest to use wrong.
The good news is that giving feedback is not a talent you're born with. It's a technique, and technique can be learned. There is a way to speak the truth without breaking the person, to point out the mistake without erasing the worth of the one who made it. The Bible sums this up in a phrase that works as a compass for every leader: speaking the truth in love.
This guide is for you, Counselor or Director, who wants to correct and praise in a way that draws people closer instead of pushing them away. We'll look at the difference between criticism that destroys and feedback that builds, the sandwich technique done right, when to speak in private and when to praise in public, and a ready-made step-by-step for that hard conversation you've been putting off.
Criticism that destroys vs. feedback that builds
There is a huge difference between criticizing and giving feedback, and it lives in the intention. Destructive criticism wants to vent: you're irritated and the other person is going to hear it. Constructive feedback wants to improve: you care about the person and want them to grow. The same mistake by a Pathfinder can produce either reaction, and the result is completely opposite.
Notice the contrast. Destructive criticism: "That crooked knot again? You never pay attention to anything." Constructive feedback: "That knot came out loose. Let me show you again the step that slipped." The first phrase targets the person and the past. The second targets the behavior and the future. One closes the door; the other opens a path.
The Bible has a strong image for this in Proverbs 27:17: "Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend" (KJV). Sharpening hurts a little, sheds a chip, heats things up. But the goal is to make the blade better, not to destroy it. Feedback with love is exactly this: a friction that perfects, not a blow that breaks.
Before you open your mouth, ask yourself an honest question: do I want this person to improve, or do I just want to relieve myself? If the answer is the second, wait. Breathe, pray, cool down. Feedback given in anger almost always turns into destructive criticism, no matter how good your cause.
The praise-correction-encouragement technique
The simplest and most effective structure for giving feedback has three parts: praise, correction and encouragement. Many people call it the "sandwich technique": the correction sits in the middle, protected by two slices of sincere affirmation. It works because a person lowers their guard when they feel valued, and then they can hear the hard part without shutting down.
Here's how it works in practice. Praise (what was done well): "John, I loved that you showed up excited today and helped the younger ones set up the tent." Correction (the behavior to change): "One thing to adjust: when the Counselor is explaining, we need to stop talking so everyone can understand." Encouragement (confidence in the future): "I know you can do it, you already have natural leadership, you just need to use it the right way."
Two traps bring down the sandwich. The first is false praise: if you invent a compliment just to soften the blow, the person senses it and loses trust in everything you say. Praise must be true and specific. The second is the word "but," which erases everything that came before. Swap "you did well, but..." for "you did well, and one thing to improve is...". The "and" adds; the "but" cancels.
Don't use the sandwich for every tiny observation, or it becomes predictable and the person already expects the bomb after the compliment. Reserve the full structure for corrections that carry weight. For small day-to-day adjustments, a direct and gentle nudge is enough: "Hey, straighten up your posture in line, champ."
In private or in public? The golden rule
Here is one of the most important rules of Club leadership, and one of the most violated: praise can be public, but serious correction is always in private. Calling out a Pathfinder in front of the whole Unit doesn't correct the mistake, it only adds shame. And public shame, in front of peers and right at the age when friends' opinions are everything, leaves a mark that lasts for years.
Look at it from their point of view. A teenager corrected in front of everyone doesn't think "I need to improve." They think "everyone thinks I'm a failure." All their energy goes into saving face, not fixing the behavior. You won the argument and lost the heart. Colossians 3:21 warns parents, and the principle applies to every leader: "Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged" (KJV). Public humiliation discourages.
The path is simple: pull the person aside. "Can I talk with you for a minute over there?" Away from the audience, the conversation changes tone. There's no more crowd to perform for, no more shame to manage. It's just you, them and the problem, which is exactly where change happens. If it's something sensitive with a minor, make sure the conversation stays visible from a distance (never isolated behind closed doors), keeping the child protected.
The other side of the rule is equally powerful: praise in public, and generously. Recognizing in front of the Unit whoever put in effort, whoever helped, whoever improved, multiplies good behavior. Others see what is valued and aim for it. Public praise is fuel; public correction is poison. Keep each in its place.
Read alsoHow to delegate tasks in the Club without overloading anyoneListen before you speak: the question that changes everything
You think you know what happened. Almost always you don't know the whole story. The Pathfinder who showed up late three weeks in a row may be looking after a younger sibling because his mother started working nights. The one who answered rudely may have been scolded at home before leaving. Feedback given without listening is a shot in the dark, and it frequently hits the wrong person.
The Bible is direct about this. James 1:19 says: "Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (KJV). Notice the order: hear first, speak after, get angry last (preferably never). The leader who reverses this order, who speaks before listening, corrects the symptom and ignores the cause.
In practice, begin every correction conversation with an open question, not an accusation. Instead of "Why are you always late?" (which is already a judgment), ask "I noticed it's been hard to arrive on time. Is something going on?". The first closes; the second opens. Often the person themselves already recognizes the mistake when you ask with genuine interest.
Listening doesn't mean accepting everything or giving up on correction. It means correcting with the full picture. After listening, you can say: "I understand your situation, and let's think of a solution together. Even so, our agreement about the time still stands." That is firmness with empathy, which is the heart of feedback with love.
Correct the behavior, never the person
This is the line that separates feedback that edifies from feedback that wounds: are you attacking the problem or attacking the person? "You left the Honor's materials scattered around" speaks of an action, which can be changed tomorrow. "You're a slob" speaks of identity, and the person starts to believe that's just how they are. Labels stick. Be careful what you stick on your Pathfinders.
The practical tool here is to speak in the first person and describe facts, not intentions. Compare: "You want to disrupt the meeting" (you read their mind and condemned them) against "When there's side chatter during the explanation, I notice the younger ones get lost" (you described the real effect). The second form is hard to argue with because it doesn't accuse; it simply shows the consequence of the behavior.
Add to this the power of pointing out the way forward, not just the mistake. Correcting without showing the exit leaves the person stuck. After saying what didn't work, say what to do: "Next time, when I raise my hand, that's the signal for silence. Deal?" The Pathfinder leaves the conversation knowing exactly what the next step is, not just feeling bad.
It also applies when you correct another leader. A Counselor can fail, a Director can make a wrong decision. The principle is the same: speak about what was done, not about who the person is. "This week's roster got confusing and two Counselors missed without notice" opens a solution conversation. "You're disorganized" opens a wound. Between adults who lead together, that respect is what keeps the whole team together.
Step-by-step for the hard conversation
Every hard conversation you've been putting off gets easier with a script. It's not memorization or being a robot; it's a rail that keeps you from derailing in the heat of the moment. Use these six steps as a structure and adapt them to your own words. What matters is to begin with the bond and end with the commitment.
Follow the sequence below. It fits into a five-minute conversation and works both for a twelve-year-old Pathfinder and for an adult Counselor.
| Step | What to do | Ready-made phrase |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Opening | Choose privacy and affirm the bond | "Can I talk with you for a minute? I'm glad to have you in the Unit." |
| 2. Fact | Describe the behavior, no label | "I noticed that over the past few weeks you've been missing without notice." |
| 3. Listening | Ask and truly listen | "I want to understand: is something going on?" |
| 4. Impact | Show the real consequence | "When you miss, the tent team is short-handed and the others get overloaded." |
| 5. Path | Agree on the next step, together | "How can we solve this? Will you let me know in the group when you can't come?" |
| 6. Encouragement | Reaffirm confidence in the future | "I trust you. I know we'll sort this out quickly." |
After the conversation comes the part many forget: the follow-up. Feedback without follow-through becomes words in the wind. If the Pathfinder improved, recognize it the following week: "I saw that you gave notice this time, thanks a lot." That closing teaches that you noticed, that it was serious and that their effort mattered. It's what turns a one-off correction into real growth.
The truth in love: the heart of it all
In the end, every feedback technique rests on a single phrase from the Bible. Ephesians 4:15 speaks of "speaking the truth in love, may grow up into him in all things, which is the head, even Christ" (KJV). Keep the two words together, because apart they fail. Truth without love is cruelty: you're right, but you hurt. Love without truth is cowardice: you're kind, but you let the person sink into the mistake. Feedback that shapes character carries both at the same time.
Proverbs 27:6 completes the picture: "Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful" (KJV). A true friend tells you the truth that hurts, because they want your good. A false friend only flatters you so as not to lose your favor. If you love your Pathfinders, sometimes you'll have to say what they don't want to hear. That's not a lack of love; it's the highest form of it.
For those who are not Adventist and made it this far, feel welcome: these communication principles work in any home, school or team. We Adventists believe they come from God and that's why we take them seriously, but the wisdom of correcting without wounding is a gift that serves everyone. You don't have to agree with our faith to use the sandwich technique next Tuesday.
Close with this practical care: watch the temperature of your own heart. A leader who is tired, hurt or angry gives bad feedback, no matter how good the intention. Pray before the hard conversation. Ask for wisdom. Remember that stubborn Pathfinder is someone Christ died for, and that your job is not to defeat them, but to shape them. When love leads the truth, correction stops wounding and starts building.