Imagine you arrive at a meeting and see a Pathfinder sitting alone, head down, far from the group. You have two choices. You can think "poor kid" and head over to where your friends are. Or you can sit beside them and ask how they are doing. The first choice is pity. The second is empathy. It looks like a small detail, but it is the difference between a Club that only exists on paper and a Club that changes lives.
Empathy is the ability to see the world through another person's eyes. To imagine what it is like to be in their shoes, to feel what they feel, and to let that change what you do. It is not weakness nor an excess of emotion. It is one of the strongest marks of Christian character, and Jesus lived it like no one else.
This guide is for you, a Pathfinder aged 10 to 15, and also for Counselors, parents, and Directors who want a Unit where every person feels seen. You will understand what empathy truly is, why it is different from pity, and you will leave here with concrete gestures to practice right at the next meeting, at school, and even online.
What empathy is (and why it is not the same as pity)
Empathy is seeing a situation from another person's place. It is asking yourself: if I were there, tired, afraid, ashamed, or sad, how would I feel? And letting that answer guide what you do. Experts describe empathy as the sum of four things: entering the other person's perspective, holding back judgment, recognizing what they feel, and communicating that you understood.
Pity is different. In pity, you look at the suffering from the outside, from above, and think "how sad." It usually comes with a sense of superiority: I am fine, you are not, poor you. Pity keeps its distance. Empathy crosses the distance and draws near. Pity says "what a shame this happened to you." Empathy says "I am here with you."
Notice it in the everyday life of the Club. A Pathfinder forgot their scarf and the Counselor calls them out in front of everyone. Whoever feels pity thinks "how embarrassing" and stays put. Whoever has empathy remembers the time they themselves were embarrassed, comes closer afterward, and says quietly: "it happens, next week we will remember together." Empathy is not feeling a lot. It is feeling with, and turning that feeling into a gesture.
Jesus, the greatest example of empathy
If you want to learn empathy, look to Jesus. The Gospel of Matthew records a moment that sums it all up: "When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd" (Matthew 9:36, NIV). Jesus did not look at the crowd and see a problem. He looked and saw people who were lost, tired, without direction. And it stirred Him inside.
The word used in the Gospels for this compassion is strong: it describes something that churns the gut, an emotion that comes from deep within. It was not a lukewarm feeling. It was God looking at ordinary people, with names and stories, and moving on their behalf. Jesus healed, taught, fed, and wept because He saw each one as someone who matters.
For Adventist Christians, and for many other Christians, this is the heart of the faith: a God who draws near. He did not stay distant, pitying humanity. He came, walked among people, touched those no one would touch. When you sit beside the Pathfinder who is alone, you are imitating exactly what Jesus would do. You do not need to be perfect for that. You just need to truly look.
Weeping and rejoicing together: the empathy Paul taught
The apostle Paul gave a short and powerful instruction to those who live in community: "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn" (Romans 12:15, NIV). Hold on to both halves, because both are hard, each in its own way.
Mourning with those who mourn requires you to go down to where the person is. A friend lost their grandfather, got a failing grade, had a fight at home. You do not need to have the solution nor the perfect phrase. Often the best thing is to say "that is so hard, I am so sorry" and stay close. Empathy rarely begins with "at least...". It begins with "tell me about it."
Rejoicing with those who rejoice can be even rarer. When a friend earns the Honor you wanted, gets the medal at the Investiture that you did not receive, or is praised in front of everyone, the human heart feels a pang of envy. Mature empathy overcomes that pang and truly celebrates alongside them. A Club where people root for one another, rather than competing for attention, is a healthy Club. This is learned, and you can start today by giving a sincere round of applause for someone's victory.
The new command: to love as He loved
On the last night before He died, Jesus left something He called a new command: "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another" (John 13:34-35, NIV).
Notice the detail: the mark of a Christian, according to Jesus, is not knowing many verses, nor singing well, nor having all the Honors. It is the love between people. It is how you treat one another. A visitor who walks into a meeting will not measure your faith by your answers in the Class lesson. They will measure it by the way you treat the youngest Pathfinder, the shyest one, the one who misses a step in drill.
To love "as I have loved you" is the high standard. Jesus loved by washing feet, forgiving betrayals, dying for those who rejected Him. You will not get there alone, nor all at once. But each gesture of empathy is a step in that direction. And that is why empathy is not optional in the Christian life: it is the command itself in action.
Read alsoSelf-control: the self-mastery that comes from GodThe good Samaritan: empathy that becomes action
Jesus told a story to explain who our neighbor is. A man was robbed, beaten, and left half dead on the road. A priest passed by and crossed to the other side. A Levite passed by and crossed to the other side. Then a Samaritan came, someone from a despised people, and the Bible says: "when he saw him, he had compassion on him" (Luke 10:33, KJV). He stopped, tended the wounds, paid for the lodging, and promised to return.
Notice that the first two also saw the fallen man. Seeing was not enough. What set the Samaritan apart is that what he saw turned into action. Empathy that stays only a feeling is not complete empathy. It needs to move the hands and the feet. It is the difference between thinking "wow, that boy has been so down" and actually inviting him to be your partner.
Empathy costs something. The Samaritan spent time, money, and changed his plans. In your Unit, empathy can cost stepping away from your group of friends to include someone, giving up your turn, sharing your snack, standing up for whoever is being teased. It is not comfortable. But that is exactly where it becomes real, and that is how Jesus defined "loving your neighbor." If you want to turn this into a Club project, the community service page shows how.
Empathy is a fruit of the Spirit, not a talent you are born with
Maybe you think: "but I am shy," "I do not know what to say," "I was not born for this." Good news: empathy is not a gift that some have and others do not. The Bible places it within the fruit of the Spirit: "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control" (Galatians 5:22-23, NIV).
Fruit grows. No one plants a seed today and harvests a mango tomorrow. In the same way, empathy matures as you walk with God and practice. It shows up mixed with love, with goodness, with patience (forbearance). This means that the more you ask God for a sensitive heart and train small gestures, the more natural it becomes.
It is worth distinguishing here between two similar things. Gratitude is recognizing the good you have received; empathy is seeing what the other person feels. Self-control is governing your impulses; empathy is connecting with someone's emotion. All three go together and are part of the same fruit, but they are not the same thing. You can be grateful and still be cold toward people. Empathy is what warms the rest.
Empathy in practice: in the Unit, at school, and online
Enough theory. Empathy is trained with small, repeated gestures. Here are concrete goals you can meet this week. Choose two and get started.
| Situation | What empathy does |
|---|---|
| A new Pathfinder arrives | You introduce them to the group, show how the meeting works, and pair up with them |
| Someone is quiet and sad | You come closer, ask "is everything okay?" and listen without rushing |
| Cliques form | You open the circle and invite whoever was left out |
| A friend messes up in front of everyone | You do not laugh along; afterward you say something encouraging |
| In the Club's group chat online | You do not share an embarrassing screenshot nor join in the mockery |
Truly listening is the heart of it all. Truly listening is putting the phone down, looking at the person's face, and not already thinking about your reply while they speak. It is asking "so, how are you feeling about this?" instead of changing the subject. Most people have never been listened to that way, and when it happens, they remember it forever.
Online, empathy has a clear test: before posting, commenting, or forwarding, ask "how will the person on the other side feel?". Mockery that humiliates, a screenshot that exposes, a nickname that hurts, all of that is the opposite of empathy, even if "everyone is laughing." Empathy online means not exposing, not mocking, and defending whoever is being attacked. What you would not do looking someone in the eye, do not do through a screen.
The antidote to bullying and cliques
Bullying and cliques are born from the same root: the inability to see the other person as someone who feels. Whoever humiliates a friend can only do so because, in that moment, they switched off their empathy. They do not picture that person crying at home, the sleepless night, the fear of coming back to the meeting. That is why empathy is the most powerful antidote there is. Where it grows, bullying finds no room.
A clique is empathy limited to a little group. You are kind to your own and ignore the rest. The problem is that, for whoever is left out, a clique hurts as much as a shove. Mature empathy widens the circle: it asks "who is left out right now?" and goes to bring them in. A strong Club has no corners where someone sits alone every meeting.
If you notice someone being targeted, empathy calls for courage. You do not need to fight. Sometimes it is enough to come close to the victim in front of everyone, call them by name, include them. That breaks the cycle more than any lecture. And if the situation is serious, take it to your Counselor or Director: protecting someone is not being a tattletale, it is being a good Samaritan. For leaders and parents, the bullying in the Club guide gives the step by step on how to act.