Have you ever noticed how fast a message travels? Someone drops a screenshot in the Unit group, three more forward it, and in ten minutes half the Club has seen it. That is the tongue: small, but with a huge reach. It can brighten someone's day or destroy a friendship that took years to grow.
The Bible does not beat around the bush on this subject. It compares the tongue to fire: a tiny spark that sets an entire forest ablaze. And the worst part is that almost no one can tame it on their own. It is not a lack of willpower; this muscle is simply slippery.
This guide is about exactly that: how you, as a young Christian, learn to master what you say, especially in WhatsApp groups, on social media and in conversation. No empty preaching. We will talk about rumors, nicknames, swearing, chain messages and screenshots, with examples from everyday life in your Club.
Why the tongue is called fire
James, one of the first leaders of the church, wrote one of the strongest descriptions in the Bible about the mouth. He says: "The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body" (James 3:6, NIV). Just before that, he throws out the image that sticks in your head: "Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark" (James 3:5, NIV).
Think about the Unit's WhatsApp group. One person sends "hey, I heard so-and-so is going to leave the Club." It was not true, it was just a guess. But the spark landed. Now ten people are commenting, so-and-so hears a twisted version, his mother calls the Director, and a whole afternoon turns into a mess because of one sentence. It was just a spark. The damage was not.
James is honest about how hard it is: "but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:8, NIV). In other words: no one gets this right by brute force. You will not simply "decide never to say anything foolish again" and pull it off on the first try. You will need God's help and habit. But yes, you can improve a great deal. The first step is to take the fire seriously, and not to find it funny.
Rumor and slander: the screenshot you forward without thinking
A rumor is information that spreads without anyone knowing whether it is true. Slander is speaking badly of someone, telling their flaw, exposing their shame. The two go together and both destroy. Proverbs is surgical: "A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends" (Proverbs 16:28, NIV). Notice: the rumor not only hurts one person, it separates friends who got along well.
The most common way to spread a rumor today is not even by speaking: it is by forwarding. A screenshot of a conversation arrives, a photo, a chain message that says "forward this to every group," and your finger is already on the button. Before you forward anything about another person, ask three questions: is this true? is this necessary? is this kind? If you are not sure of all three, do not forward it. It is that simple.
There is an important detail about the screenshot. When someone sends you a message in private and you drop it into the group, you have broken a trust, even if the content is true. That was said to you, not to the whole Club. And chain messages that ask you to "forward or something bad will happen" are lies and manipulation; deleting is the right answer. Gossip only stays alive because each person decides to pass it along. If it dies in your hand, it is over.
Venting, constructive criticism or gossip: what is the difference
Not every conversation about another person is gossip. There is venting, which is telling someone you trust that you are hurt, to relieve your heart and ask for advice. There is constructive criticism, which is pointing out a mistake to help the person improve. And there is gossip, which is talking about someone just to comment, criticize or have fun at their expense. Knowing how to separate these changes everything.
The test is simple: who are you talking to, and what for. Venting is to a mature person, with the goal of resolving. Constructive criticism is said to the person themselves, or to someone who can genuinely help (the Counselor, the Director), with care. Gossip is said to someone who has nothing to do with the problem, and the only goal is the chatter. See the difference in practice:
| Situation | Venting | Constructive criticism | Gossip |
|---|---|---|---|
| Who you talk to | Someone you trust | The person or someone who helps | Someone unrelated |
| What for | To relieve and ask advice | To help them improve | To comment and judge |
| How you speak | In pain, seeking peace | With respect, to their face | Behind their back, laughing |
An example from the Club: the Counselor forgot to bring the material for the Honor again. Venting: "Mom, I'm upset, this is the third time." Constructive: you go up to him and say "Counselor, can we agree on who brings the material?" Gossip: you send in the group "lol the Counselor is so forgetful, he always forgets everything." Same situation, three very different paths.
Read alsoWhen they pick on you: how to deal with bullyingNicknames and teasing: when the joke turns into a wound
Every Club has nicknames and teasing. Much of it is genuine affection, part of the friendship, and no one gets hurt. The problem starts when the nickname points at a flaw, the body, the family, a difficulty the person has, or when they have already asked you to stop and no one stops. At that point it is no longer a joke: it is a wound with an audience.
The apostle Paul sets the standard: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen" (Ephesians 4:29, NIV). Notice the phrase building others up: it means to construct. The question that settles almost everything is: does this joke build the other person up or tear them down? If it needs someone to be made small in order to be funny, it is not worth it.
This has a name and a law. In Brazil, Law 13.185/2015 defines derogatory nicknames and repeated teasing as bullying, and since 2024 systematic intimidation has become a crime. Cyberbullying, that is, humiliating someone over the internet and in groups, falls under the same category. The Club is a place of protection, not an audience for humiliation. If the teasing has gone too far in your Unit, the matter is serious and you can understand it better in our guide on bullying in the Club.
Swearing and coarse language: what comes out of the mouth speaks of what is inside
Swearing has become almost punctuation. Many people drop a curse in the middle of a sentence without even noticing, because everyone around them does the same. But the habit shapes who you are. Jesus said that the mouth speaks of what the heart is full of. If coarse language dominates your speech, over time it hardens the way you see people.
This is not about becoming a prim and dull person, afraid to speak. It is about choosing words that match the God you say you follow. James points out the contradiction head-on: "With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness" (James 3:9, NIV). And he completes it: "Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing" (James 3:10, NIV). It does not fit. Praising at worship and cursing in the group is the same mouth doing opposite things.
A practical tip that works: when the urge to swear hits, especially in anger, breathe and swap the sentence. Instead of unloading a curse, say what you are really feeling: "I'm really annoyed with this." You keep the force of what you want to say without dirtying your speech. In fact, much heavy language is born of frustration, which is why it is worth also reading how to deal with anger.
How to cut off gossip without being the group's buzzkill
Cutting off gossip does not require a speech or a scowl. It only requires a ready-made sentence on the tip of your tongue, so you are not caught speechless when the subject starts. The secret is to redirect, not to fight. You do not need to lecture anyone; you just need to not feed it.
Keep three simple replies. When someone starts speaking badly of another person, you can say: "ah, I'd rather not talk about this without him here." Or divert: "I don't know, and changing the subject, did you see the next camp?" Or defend gently: "to me he's a good guy." None of these makes you the buzzkill; all of them cut the mood. In the WhatsApp group, sometimes the most powerful reply is not to reply at all. Gossip without an audience cools off on its own.
And when you were the one who said too much? It happens. Then the way forward is to walk it back quickly: seek out the person, admit it ("I said something about you that I shouldn't have, I'm sorry") and do not repeat it. That is not weakness, it is courage. A Pathfinder who knows how to apologize is stronger, not weaker. And the whole Club learns from the example, even more than from any lecture.
The habit of building up: training the tongue every day
The goal is not just to stop saying bad things. It is to start saying good things on purpose. This is called building up: using your words to lift the other person. A sincere compliment, a "so glad you came," a "congrats on the Honor" in the group. These small sentences change the mood of an entire Unit. And unlike a rumor, encouragement spreads too.
Proverbs sums up the weight of the choice: "The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit" (Proverbs 18:21, NIV). You reap what you say. Those who spread life grow surrounded by friendship; those who spread poison end up alone, even with a phone full of groups. It is a simple law and it always holds.
Finally, this is not a battle you win alone, remember? That is why the most practical prayer there is comes from the psalmist: "Set a guard over my mouth, LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips" (Psalm 141:3, NIV). Make it a daily request, in the morning. Ask God to place a gatekeeper on your mouth, someone to hold back the wrong sentence before it comes out. Over time, habit and God's help change your speech from the inside out. And then the tongue stops being a fire that burns and becomes a light that warms.